The Art of Kintsugi: Finding Beauty in Life’s Broken Pieces

There’s an ancient Japanese art form called Kintsugi that has always fascinated me. When pottery breaks, instead of discarding it, the pieces are carefully mended with urushi lacquer—a natural varnish made from the sap of East Asian trees—mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The pottery is not simply repaired; it is reimagined: a piece whose cracks are not flaws to hide but features to highlight and honor.

This art form made me wonder: Why don’t we do this for ourselves? Instead of pushing away or hiding our broken parts, what if we welcomed them as quiet reminders that our history can become wisdom, our brokenness resilience, and our fractures strength? What if we saw these life cracks as the very things that make us unique, shaping us into exactly who we are?

Kintsugi helped me slowly begin to accept the pieces of myself I once wanted to push away—the uncomfortable, messy, hard-to-explain pieces. I began to see them as an integral part of my wholeness, realizing that the very things that broke me also shaped me. Without those breaks, I would be without the lessons, humility, and wisdom they gave me. I would be without my depth.

At some point, we all carry broken pieces of ourselves from pain, mistakes, or loss. When we reject them, we risk leaving those parts in the shadows, showing only fragments of who we are. True self-acceptance comes from integrating every piece—even the broken ones.

So, how do we begin to mend? Here are ways to explore on your own, with a coach, or with a therapist.

What You Can Do on Your Own

Practice Self-Compassion

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a close friend. Ask, “What would I say if someone I loved were going through this?” and give yourself that same kindness. If you’re troubled by something you did, approach it with curiosity—not to excuse it, but to understand what was happening for you at that time and what you might have needed. Deepening your awareness will help you view your actions with more tenderness, and it might lead to you uncovering parts of yourself that you still need to heal.

Read About It

Books can be a powerful way to explore and understand parts of yourself that feel difficult or uncomfortable. They can help you make sense of your experiences, offer comfort through similar stories, expand your perspective, and introduce new healing approaches that support your growth. Learning from others’ experiences and practical strategies can guide your growth, spark reflection, and remind you that you are not alone.

Connect With Your Body

Simple practices like lengthening your exhale, playing a sport, dancing, or gently tensing and releasing your muscles can help release built-up energy and bring you into a calmer, more present state. Another way to connect with your body is to notice where you feel a sense of heaviness—perhaps a tight chest, heavy shoulders, or knots in your stomach. Rest your hands on that area, close your eyes, and breathe into it, offering warmth and compassion to the feeling.

*If emotions feel overwhelming, it’s important to pause and seek support from a trusted mental health professional.

What You Can Do with a Coach

Your Judgment-Free Zone

Coaching is a safe space where you can bring every part of yourself—even the ones you’ve tried to push away. You’re met with compassion, presence, and understanding, without the weight of judgment. In that supportive space, it becomes easier to process emotions without fear of rejection or criticism. Rather than staying stuck in pain, self-blame, or avoidance, you’re gently guided toward strength in the present moment. When you feel truly seen and supported, your inner dialogue softens, your resilience shines through, and you begin moving forward with deeper understanding and greater trust in yourself.

Shifting What Holds You Back

Sometimes it’s not a lack of desire that keeps us from changing—it’s the hidden resistance rooted in old patterns, beliefs, or past experiences. Coaching helps you get to the heart of it: the “why” behind what’s holding you back. Together, you and your coach can gently explore the triggers, patterns, and stories you might not have noticed before. Once you see them clearly, that resistance starts to shift into understanding, making it easier to reframe limiting beliefs and open the door to growth, possibility, and balance.

Integrating New Perspectives

Coaching helps you turn moments of insight into meaningful action. It’s more than understanding—it’s about learning new ways of relating, communicating, and showing up, so your growth becomes visible in your daily life and relationships. Along the way, you begin to reframe limiting beliefs and practice patterns that make self-acceptance feel real and sustainable. Over time, these new perspectives make it easier to face the parts of yourself or your life that once felt too heavy to hold. Rather than resisting them, you learn to weave those experiences into a stronger, more authentic whole—building a foundation for lasting growth.

What You Can Do with a Therapist

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

IFS is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as made up of different “parts,” each carrying its own perspective, feelings, and role. Some parts protect you, some carry wounds, and others hold your core qualities, like compassion and creativity. IFS helps you get to know these parts with curiosity and compassion, creating space for healing and harmony within yourself. Over time, you can unburden wounded parts, soften protective ones, and connect more fully with your calm, wise, and grounded core. By developing awareness of your internal landscape, you gain a deeper understanding of your own emotions and reactions—and often, greater empathy for the experiences of others.

Somatic Experiencing (SE)

SE is a body-based therapeutic approach designed to help release trauma and stress stored in the nervous system. When you experience overwhelming events, your body can hold on to survival responses long after the event has passed. This can leave you feeling tense, on edge, or disconnected. Through gentle awareness of bodily sensations, SE can help you discharge this trapped energy and restore a sense of safety and balance. Instead of reliving the past, the focus stays on the present moment, allowing your body to complete what was once interrupted and return to regulation. Over time, this work can bring you greater ease, resilience, and a deeper connection to yourself.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

For nearly twenty years, I lived with recurring nightmares from trauma I experienced as a teenager—until EMDR helped stop them, something I once thought was impossible.

EMDR is a type of therapy that helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they don’t carry the same overwhelming charge. Using bilateral stimulation—like guided eye movements, sounds, or a handheld tool called TheraTappers—you revisit difficult experiences in a way that allows your brain to “re-file” them. What once felt raw and triggering can begin to feel more neutral, making it less disruptive in daily life.

EMDR can be especially helpful for those living with PTSD, though the process can feel intense at times. Pairing EMDR with other approaches, like IFS or SE, can be a good way to keep your nervous system supported and prevent overwhelm. Because EMDR can be practiced in different ways, it helps to work with a therapist who offers all three types of bilateral stimulation (eye movement, sound, and TheraTappers) so you can use what works best for you. Most importantly, trust your experience and speak up if something doesn’t feel right—the process should always move at a pace that feels safe for you.

Piecing It Together

Instead of pushing away the parts of yourself that feel broken or uncomfortable, try welcoming them as signs of resilience, lessons learned, and opportunities for growth. Offer them space, compassion, and acknowledgment. When you do, you begin to see that every fracture, every scar, and every difficult experience contributes to the unique mosaic of who you are.

 The cracks don’t diminish your beauty; they reveal it.